Have you ever taken the time to notice your emotions? How are they formed? Where do they come from? These are all valuable questions to ask.
At first glance, I find emotions are a result of my reaction to events. If I perceive the event to be good, my emotions tend to be favorable. However, if I perceive the event to be negative, my emotions are not favorable. With this understanding, my perception of events determine my emotions.
My perceptions are formed by my past experiences and stories that I create around a certain event. I tend to project my perception and experience on an event and create a story. The story I create has the power to derail me. For example, say I receive a text message from a person of influence, “Becky, I need to talk to you about your presentation yesterday.”
The text is an event that has no emotion; therefore, no problem. However, I may (which if I am not mindful will) create a story around the text based on my own past experience or based on my self-doubt. I begin to make up a story that I am going to be reprimanded, my presentation was not good which means I am bad. I am probably never going to be able to get another job. . . I could go on. Can you relate?
Now I have extreme emotion.
I am anxious, fearful and irritable. I begin to call others to join in the story. We all begin to discuss the ramifications of the text. More stories evolve, more anxiety is created. Now tension and distrust begins to seep into the situation. I begin to rationalize and justify my presentation. I loose sleep and quit being productive. I shut down.
So do you see how my interpretation or my story around the text has now created a problem? Not only has it impacted me, it has impacted those around me.
As I enter into the meeting, I am now defensive, irritated, and anxious. I have a wall around me for protection and you can feel the tension in the room based on the story I created. In the meeting, I find out that the person of influence loved the presentation and would like me to do more work.
I am now completely exhausted. I am shocked and relieved.
In review of the situation, I witness how I was derailed by my own train of thought, my own story. This happens often in most people and it impacts our ability to have relationships. It is important as a leader in life, to stick to the facts. Dissect the stories from the facts. This allows you to be objective, open and receptive to those around you.
Being aware of the stories you create will help you see the stories that others are creating.
We live in our stories and these stories derail us and take us out of the game of life, business, relationships, and well-being. This is why it is so important to stick to the facts and stop the story. This is a practice of being mindful.
How would your world, life, business relationships be different without your stories?
When I look deeper, our stories are based on my past experience or my future expectations. Living in the past or the future keep me from living in the present moment. The present moment is the only place where I can live in peace and calmness. I invite you to observe your stories, your trains of thought. Where are they taking you? If you are not careful, I guarantee you they will take you off track.
